“My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only He can release my feet from the snare.”    ~Psalm 25:15          

How Washing My Windows started?  After a busy summer and unexpected trip to Mayo Clinic with my dad, I came home wanting desperately to clean.  I am not sure why that would be comforting, but since my early adulthood, I have found cleaning to be some what soothing, especially during the times in my life when things feel very out-of-control or vulnerable.  My fixation this time was on my windows.  Mark, my loving husband, and I spent part of Labor Day weekend cleaning the outside windows, and now, I was on my knees cleaning the inside of the windows.

As I was washing and wiping, I was amazed at the grime on my windows.  The bucket of water told the story of my windows’ haze.  It had been too long of a time from the last washing, and the results were staring at me in the brown water and filthy rag.  The funny thing was, it didn’t look that bad before I started.  I could see out of them.  They didn’t appear to be that dirty.  Now as the window glistened back at me so clearly, I was truly amazed at how much nicer they looked.  I continued on to the next window determined to wash away the cloudiness that I could see now so easily.

At the same time, my mind was bouncing all over the place…from my dad’s illness and the bad news that had accompanied us home from Mayo Clinic to what was God doing in this world.  More importantly, what did He want from my life?  I found myself frustrated with so many things.  Tired of people’s excuses and justifications for not investing in each other, in not helping others.  Tired of the voices of those wanting me to help them feel better about their decisions, and most of all, tired of pretending everything was always “great”.  For months, I had been wrestling with God about so many things…

I wish I could remember what song came on the radio, but I found myself in tears and praying to understand why I was struggling so.  At that moment, it was as if God touched my heart to see that the strong urge to wash my windows was really a call to wash my own internal windows–the way I was seeing things.  As I cried out to Him, I could see that my views had become clouded and dimmed…I had allowed my frustrations, my pain, and my tiredness to cast a dull veil on how I see the world.  I realized that I had become focused on the negative in others because it was “easier” than seeing those things in myself.  At this, I sobbed in gratitude to God that He wasn’t leaving me in this condition.  I knew then that I needed to stop wrestling with Him and just follow. 

As I moved onto the next set of windows, I thought of what God was calling me to do…and that was to write.  For the last several months, I had opened repeatedly to verses on writing.  Time and time again, as I shared via Caringbridge, the story of my dad’s battle with cancer and in my writings for Families Building Faith, I had been encouraged to write…to share more.  As I reached up with the rag and a bucket of fresh water to wash the next window, “Washing My Windows” came to me and I knew that was the name of whatever or wherever I was going to write. 

The Invitation.  So I invite you to join me as I wash my own windows, as God works on my soul and just possibly, yours.  I am far from perfect, but am trying to “clearly” see and admit my imperfection and embrace the realness of who I am with the eternal hope of changing what God wants me to change, accepting that which I truly cannot, and trusting that He will provide me with peace for the rest.

“But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  2 Corinthians 3:16-17