“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Matthew 26:41

The other day a younger soul sought out my advice about one of those moments in life where a crossroad had arisen.  An intersection between the hard thing that was right and the temptation to turn away and disengage from that path because it might require difficult effort.  As I listened carefully to the words being said, I mentioned, “Well, it is understandable to feel a bit afraid.”  The soul looked at me with shock and a bit of indignation proclaiming, “I am not afraid!”  Yet, in the response, I heard an age old truth:  No really likes to admit when they are afraid.

The strong desire to deny feeling fear is exactly why it is essential to understand and explore what we are feeling.  So often we convince ourselves that we are brave, and to be brave we must not feel fear.  But nothing could be further from the truth.  Being brave isn’t about the absence of fear, as that is not humanely possible.

We, by design, are meant to experience fear.  It is hardwired into our brains, to our nerve endings, to our senses, and lastly, but not least, it is one of our emotions.  In fact, feeling fear often serves a very good purpose in protecting us and alerting us to danger.  More importantly, the brave are not immune to fear; they have learned how to stop it from controlling them when it should not be.  The key to overcoming and controlling fear lies in the ability to recognize it for what it is.  It is in understanding that you are afraid that you can gain the strength and power to control it rather than it mastering you.

With this soul, I went on to gently explain that while being afraid can mean that we feel fear directly and intensely, it also has very subtle attributes that we don’t recognize as being “afraid”.  Over the course of our lives, we have learned how to suppress it, ignore it or dismiss it.  Because of those lessons, we often don’t even think about distinguishing the multiple facets of fear and how or why they are truly impacting us.  Things like being “filled with apprehension; feeling regret, unhappiness or the like.” Dictionary.com/afraid.

One of my new favorite identifiers from the definition is “feeling reluctance, unwillingness, distaste or the like.” Id.  Oh, reluctance and unwillingness…how very fitting they were to our conversation.  As I spoke those very words from the definition, that soul looked up and smiled, “Well, I guess I was feeling fear and I didn’t even know it!  ‘Reluctance’ might best describe what was holding me back and I hadn’t even connected that to being afraid.  I see it now.”

Now according to its definition, “afraid” has roots in “disturb and frighten”.  I think it is relatively easy for us to accept and understand when something has really frightened us, but how often do you feel disturbed and never even consider that it might stem from something you fear?  Let’s take a little closer look at the word, disturb:

1. to interrupt the quiet, rest, peace or order of; unsettle.
2. to interfere with; hinder.
3. to interfere with the arrangement, order or harmony of; disarrange.
4. to perplex; trouble.
5. to cause disturbance to someone’s sleep, rest, etc…   Id./”disturb”

You might wonder why it is important to dig down into the roots of afraid?  Because it will literally help us to root out potential fear and its powerful control.  If you can learn to identify that you are feeling afraid, you can trace those feelings back to their roots.  Ask yourself, “Is something hindering me from moving forward with what I need to do or where I know I need to go?”  Are your thoughts or peace being continually interrupted with worry or tension?  Trace it back and see if there is fear at the root.  Are you perplexed or troubled?  Out of sorts?  Disarranged?  Struggling to order things in such a way that there is real and lasting harmony?  Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, dig deeper and find the source of what you are feeling.  Start to face what you fear by trusting God that you can, and that He will see you through it.

When you recognize that feelings of regret, apprehension, unhappiness, reluctance and unwillingness are most likely linked to fear, you can search for what is disturbing your thoughts.  Sometimes we do everything we can to avoid looking at what scares us…what we fear…we wallow in procrastination, hesitation, doubt and dismay.  We are so apprehensive that we cloak our fears through denial such that we don’t even realize the disturbances they are causing us internally or externally.

Think on it this way: let’s say you have an assignment or task to do at work or home that you really don’t want to do.  With procrastination and reluctance in control, you push it off by putting all sorts of other tasks ahead of it.  Often times, you delay focuses on things that are not as important or urgent.  As a result, as your deadline approaches, you find your mind fretting in waves.  Those waves lead to even more wasted time with further distraction that continues to lead you astray.  As time marches on, you grow in cycles between worry and pangs of regret for not starting earlier.  Think about it: those cycles are literally disturbing your thoughts and leading you into relationships with more of afraid’s friends.

Same can become true when someone hurts you.  Much of the time when hurt, we try to act as if we are not.  We don’t respond, afraid to be truthful or vulnerable, and later tell ourselves that “What he or she did or said shouldn’t matter” or “I don’t care!” or “Whatever, I guess.”  A personal favorite is to waste mental energy on what I wished I had said…and I know I am not alone in that vain.  You know, those fictional conversations where in the safety of your own mind you replay the situation and wield those perfect zingers back towards their hurtful comment or action.  Why do we do that when we know they are not there and nothing is being resolved?

Most of us are flat out afraid to honestly confront someone who has hurt us emotionally or verbally (or physically…there’s a long list of ways to harm another).  We ignore, snap back or dismiss, but we generally avoid being too direct, honest or vulnerable about our pain, confusion or fear.  We hold back in apprehension of their reactions and the potential outcomes that might result from being honest about how they have hurt us.  We justify away in our minds and imaginations just how they might react in furtherance of being unwilling or reluctant to deal with them honestly.

Too often, we let the fact that we cannot control the outcomes of being honest fuel the fear that prevents us from acting in a way that might have a better chance of mending or stopping future harm.  We embrace the truth that we cannot change anyone by misusing it to prevent us from having to change ourselves or our situation.  Trust me, friends, the “right” path doesn’t automatically mean that we move towards reconciliation.  All those thoughts are fearful thoughts, and quite frankly, disturbances of our mental peace and space.  Not only do they interfere with quietness in our minds, these thoughts do not bring about relational repair nor do they protect us from future damage.  Rather, they continue to disturb and grow our fear, our unwillingness, and our unhappiness all the while keeping us hostage to that original hurt.

So the next time you find yourself feeling any of the definition or synonyms of afraid, pause.  Go deeper and see how tight a hold your fear has on you.  Once you find it, examine why you are feeling feeling afraid and whether it truly deserves the weight you are giving it?  If it doesn’t, and it likely won’t, refuse to let it control your life, thoughts, reactions or direction any longer.

“When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought me joy.”  Psalm 94:19

 

 

 

 

 

“When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.” Psalm 56:3

We have been talking quite a bit about fear and its friends, and while there is more to explore with that, there is a crucial second part to Psalm 56:3 that we need to consider: “…I will put my trust in You.”  It is the very antidote to the fear that often controls us, and it is the best possible solution to overcoming the feelings of afraid and its many friends.

Remember, we identified several of the different feelings that stem from our fears.  Things like regret, unwillingness, reluctance, and unhappiness.  In my life, I had only associated it with apprehension or being scared.  So the question becomes what do you do when you are feeling any of those things?

Let’s look at the definition of will:

Will = 1.  Am about or going to; 2.  Am disposed or willing to;   3.  Am expected or required to; 5.  Am determined or sure to;  7.  Am habitually disposed or  inclined to; 8. Am capable of.   Dictionary.com/will

In this context, to be “willing”, you have to purposefully and determinedly choose God over the feelings of fear that may be taking all of your focus and energy.  To be determined means “resolute; staunch; decided; settled; resolved.” Id./determined.  Inclined means to be “2. disposed; of a mind…tending in a direction that makes an angle with anything else.” Id./inclined.  You will have to wrangle your feelings to get your trust of God back to your center; requiring yourself to choose Him to guide the direction of your thoughts.  If you notice in the initial definition of “will”, you will see “am” before every verb.  Who is that referring to?

You and me.  “I will put my trust in You.” (Psalm 56:3, emphasis mine).  It is your choice; each person’s choice when they are afraid.  God will not force us to choose Him.  He will not make us trust Him if we are unwilling, and He will not relieve our fears unless we trust Him over them.  It is in the exercising of our faith that we are given the power to freely choose, and it is what builds a more pure and steadfast faith in God.

So, okay, you need to be willing.  Let’s say you have decided to be determinedly willing to trust Him.  What’s next?

Put.  Yep, think of Will and Put as to two things that work together to build faith.  Will and Put.  Consider them as close friends of yours.  While they are meant to be the part of your life that helps you, they truly need your conscious awareness of what they are doing.  Understand that they are action words and have really important jobs to do.  So, when left to their own devises they will build faith in anything…it just might not be faith in God.

You see, Will needs constant instruction.  He is full of choices and knows they need to be made.  He tends to listen to that which is most assertive.  And think about it, aren’t your fears normally loud?  Aren’t your cravings incessant?  There’s often so much noise in the world clamoring for attention and decisions that without the proper consideration, self-control and restraint, your “will” gets misled.  Poor thing, it has a job that it knows needs to be done, but when we are unwilling to guide or control it, we are leaving Will open to influence of other not-so-good things.

Stop and ponder whether you’ve ever let a fear put you in the backseat while it drives around in your mind, or worse yet, your life because you make decisions based on it?  Will is just glad to have something in control, and though you might be afraid of what you fear, that fear is all too willing to navigate you down roads and scenarios that are totally unnecessary to your mental, physical or spiritual well-being.

Now Put, let’s look at that friend of ours:

Put = “1. to move or place (anything) so as to get it into or out of a specific location or position; 2. to bring into some relation, state; 3. to place in the charge or power of a person, institution, etc.; 4. to subject to the endurance or suffering of something; 22. to shoot out and grow.”  Id./put

Let us remember that when we are afraid, it is best to give our trust back over to God by actively putting Him back in and at the center of our thoughts and hearts.  Let’s unfold that further, the definition of “put” states “to move or place (anything) so as to get it into or out of a specific location or position.”  Id./put.  That means, we literally have to move the associated feelings of being afraid to somewhere other than the mainstream of our thoughts.  Further, the definition implies that we will, most likely, have to replace it with something.  That makes sense because an empty spot of worry, not filled with the correct focus, will likely lead to more fretting.  A new opening for something quite frequently gets filled with something else if not properly managed.

So to understand Put a little better, think of her as a mover.  She operates with the job of helping Will move out of place, or into place, things that can help bring around what Will is trying to do with his instructions.  When Will needs strength to endure, Put moves strength into the right places so that Will can make the decision to endure further.  When Will is guided by fear in decision making, rather than being given a determined choice to trust in God, Put moves into place all the feelings that aid fear in being at the center of your attention.  With no ill intention, Put just facilitates and enlarges the spaces needed to house whatever is controlling or directing Will.  When Will is saying fear is at the helm, Put may deplete the rest of your strength trying to make room for fear’s growth.

In this verse, God gives us an amazing gift.  The understanding that Will and Put are truly managed by us and our choices.  “I will put…” brings it all back to you and I.  We are capable.  We truly do have it in us to overcome our fears, and their sources, when God is at our center.

Think about that.  Are you willing to move the feelings of fear out of your mind and, by whatever means necessary, determinedly put God back in at your center?  Will you take appropriate measures to become disposed to habitually choosing God over fear?  Are you willing to trust that you are fully capable of directing Will and Put?  Will you choose to live a life determined to trust God no matter what fear makes you feel?  Will you put fear where it belongs…in the periphery of your life and not at your center?

God knows you can.  He gave you Will and Put to help you do just that.

“‘Hear Me, My people, and I will warn you–if you would only listen to Me, Israel!  You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not worship any god other than Me.  I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt.  Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.'”  Psalm 81:8-10