“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”  Jonah 2:8

You might wonder why I write frequently about fear?

It is not a hobby of mine, nor do I particularly like fear.  In fact, I abhor horror movies and dislike frightening novels.  I much prefer laughter and happiness as oppose to suspense, discomfort and angst.

While I have been described by others as confident and brave, strong and fearless, to be quite honest, that is not how I see or think of myself.  Though those attributes are incredibly kind and sometimes true, it seems that I have accumulated quite a few friends of fear on the windows that I view life from, and with God’s nudging, I have been working on washing those windows clean.  I have found, while on this journey of renewal and restoration, that I am not alone as many people’s windows also appear to have some dusty layer of fear on them that hampers how they, too, see life.

It was years ago, while feeling a lot of uncertainty, that God took me to Jonah 2:8.  I was hoping for something to comfort me, and being told that I was clinging to something other than God was not at all what I had expected to see.  You see, long ago, He taught me that His truth doesn’t always match up with our desires.  I wanted to be comforted but what I really needed was to realize what was causing my discomfort.  So being that it had struck a nerve in me, I went off on a search to understand this verse better.  What did it mean and how did it apply to my life?  What was I clinging to that was causing me to forfeit the grace that was intended for that very moment in my life?

Low and behold, He was right!  As I dug through the etymology of the word “idol” (and this was easily 10 years ago), I was led through its history and into synonyms that were related to it.  There sat “fears” and “passions”.  I remember being a bit dumbfounded.  If I took out the word, “idol”, that I was struggling with, and inserted the words, “fears” or “passions”, that verse became even more applicable to my life.

“Those who cling to worthless [fears (or passions)] forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”  Jonah 2:8 (alterations are mine)

Wow, imagine that!  It truly made even more sense in my daily life.  The things I had long been fearing were running the show with my thoughts, decisions and sometimes, even my actions.  My very reactions, which could be filled with passion, were often in response to fear, and not necessarily what God had wanted for me.  I knew it was His way of telling me that I needed to better evaluate how my fears, and please understand this–worthless fears, were controlling me.

As soon as I read that verse with fear inserted in, I understood exactly why God had taken me to Jonah 2:8.  Right before I had sought His Word out, I had been busy building up my fears to near crescendo level; in essence, creating a self-induced swirling storm of fear.  Surrounded, I sought Him out in the refuge of His Word, and found that this storm was the direct result of me clinging to my fears more than I was to Him.  God was right to point out and ask, which one was I most willing to follow?  In my heart, I knew that I wanted to (and still want) to follow Him and fear no longer.  And that began this journey towards understanding fear, how our minds and bodies are created to experience and deal with it, the emotions tied to it, the responses we can choose, the trust and faith in God that we need to develop, discipline and grow.  All of that is coupled with the idea of learning better how God wants us to handle this gift He has given us in being able to feel, think, decide and react to the events that grace our lives.

Ever since those moments with Jonah 2:8, as I explored it more and learned more about how we are designed, I have repeatedly seen how good of a job we all do in hiding our fears.  I am not alone in placing worthless fears above our God.  We pack them away.  We deny them.  We point to them and identify that they exist, but never overcome them.  We blame others and accuse them of what we fear.  We dress up our fears with other pretty words that disguise them and make it seem like we have no problem with fear.  We dismiss those who point it out to us calling them crazy or unkind because they have ventured to close to the walls that the fear has built to keep us trapped inside with it. We cling to these things as if truth resides with them even when, in all honesty, the likelihood of what we fear is slim to none.

Some of us spend our entire lifetimes avoiding what we fear, at practically any cost, and in the long run end up dealing with fear more than God ever intended.  It is here that I often find myself with another soul…helping them gently unpack their fear when they are willing.  God bringing what is needed to help them break free of what has chained them.  I wish I could say that I run across misplaced or misused fear infrequently, but then that would not have inspired me to write.  Rather I run across it weekly, if not daily, in the lives of others…as well as in my own.

A large part of my life is now devoted to helping others build and grow their faith in God, and with that, I have been blessed to speak with a lot of souls for a variety of reasons.  I see fear being mislabeled and misplaced into the lives of so many, especially our youth.  They are told to suck it up, let it go, put it away and pretend for the sake of others that they have no pain, hurt or sadness in their lives that could stem from or cause fear.  They become afraid that sharing those vulnerable feelings will lead to anger, judgment and condemnation out of those who don’t want to take the time to listen or worse yet, be responsible for the harm they have done to another.  It is the age-old pattern of conditioning another to not respond to the pain inflicted, so that the wrongdoer doesn’t have to change their behavior because they do not want to see or hear or understand the consequences and problems they are causing in the first place.  Deceit and deception using fear to hide the wrong and allow it to continue in perpetuity.

Many are conditioned to pretend everything is good or great or fine, but understand, by God’s standards, He doesn’t like pretension as it leads to dishonesty, hypocrisy, superficial relationships, and deeper scars.  They are taught to bottle it up when they should really be learning how to fall apart and then pick up the pieces in the safety of loving support and acceptance of God and those that are His.  They learn to lie to protect others from feelings that they should be able to share rather than being taught and learning how to better manage those emotions.  Think about it–teens are designed to feel emotions exponentially with the flood of hormones that are timed by nature, not their parents or society!!

And most of the time, it is adults demanding that teens (and others) rid themselves of the very emotions God ordained each of us to feel.  Why?  Because just as many adults do not know how to deal with their emotions or the emotions of others, except to respond by either becoming mad or indifferent or pretending that emotions are not necessary in this world.  In a way, deep-rooted fear of emotions begetting more fear in this world, rather than love teaching gentleness, perseverance, self-control, truth and hope.

I stood in the presence of a young teen after hearing from a loved one the very difficult circumstances that they were in.  Being that it was the first time I met this child, I gently asked, “How are you doing with all of this?”  With the strongest face and those eyes that spoke of not being able to trust that I could handle hearing what was deeper inside, the teen said, “Oh, I am fine!  I am good.”  I looked at that child in the eyes and said, “Really?  Let me help you with a lesson that you really need to learn young in life.  I know you need to be strong, but it will serve you much better to be honest about how you are feeling in situations like this.  You are very young to have to be dealing with such painful and difficult circumstances, and it is okay to say you are not okay.”  The child looked surprised as I spoke of the legitimacy of being afraid, angry, frightened, unsure, and unhappy in that situation.  Before too long, the shoulders had dropped as well as the act of being “tough”.  A small break through and victory for God in the heart of a soul who had been long conditioned and demanded on to be “good” and not “upsetting” to others despite the truth of what had been going on.

Fast forward to weeks from there, and that child called sobbing about the next chapter of their life.  Legitimate fear and uncertainty were gripping the next steps in a way that no child should have to endure.  My first words were “I am so glad to hear you crying. It is good for you to let this out, and I want you to continue.  Let us work on taking some deep breathes to help your body out right now, and remember, this scary thing is just for right now.  In six months or a year, this will likely just be an unpleasant and painful memory with you in a better place by then.”

Why do I share these things with you?  Because learning how to face what we fear isn’t something most of us have been taught.  I come across as many adults who struggle to be honest with themselves about their past hurts or their present pains, and as a result, they live in the constant company of cloaked fear.  I have been visiting with an older gal for the last couple of years.  I go to see her regularly and our friendship has grown.  I met her through the organization I started years ago, Families Building Faith, and it was just recently as I sat in her living room that I watched her jump up from her chair to get our newsletter.  She said, “Michelle, oh my gosh, you have to write.  You need to write!  I didn’t even realize my fears until I read the list of synonyms in the newsletter!  As I looked at each word, I saw my life–my whole life–and how fear has always been a part of it.  I never even realized the hold it had on me until I read those words!”

“Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them.”  Jonah 2:8 (NIV)

Friends, it is a powerful thought to consider that our worthless fears actually cause us to forfeit God’s love and grace in our lives to the space, time and effort that we spend on those fears.  While God designed us to feel and experience fear, He never intended for us to cling to it; let alone to fears that are worthless!  He doesn’t want fear (nor its friends) to restrain, confine, prevent, enslave or rule over our lives, decisions, impact or faith.  You see, when we trust what we fear more than our God who is calling us out of it, we are indeed worshiping something other than Him.

Let us review again the synonyms of afraid (this is just some of them) knowing that they might help us identify when and how we may be clinging (drawing closer) to something we fear:

Anxious, apprehensive, frightened, nervous, scared, shocked, suspicious, timid, aghast, alarmed, aroused, cowardly, daunted, discouraged, disheartened, dismayed, distressed, disturbed, fainthearted, frozen, in awe, perplexed, intimidated, panic-stricken, perturbed, rattled, spooked, startled, stunned, trembling, upset, worried, sorry, loath, hesitant, backward, uneager…  Dictionary.com/afraid/synonyms

And now let us consider the antonyms of afraid to understand better what it feels like to not be controlled by fear:

Brave, calm, happy, unafraid, unworried, bold, composed, confident, cool, eager, fearless, heroic, undaunted, valiant, ready… Id./afraid/antonyms.

What areas in your life do you experience more of the synonyms of afraid, and where in your life do you experience more peace as exemplified by the antonyms of afraid?  Trace those roots to see how fear might be bumping God out of the rightful place in your life.  Be inspired by where in your life fear has no foothold.

Ask Him, with your whole heart and full willingness, and He will take you on the journey of uprooting your worthless fears so that you may give Him the proper place in your heart, soul, mind and strength.  Trust Him, God longs for you to stop forfeiting what He has always wished (and long planned) for you to receive when you trust Him over your fears.  Remember that Israel ended up wandering through the desert for 40 years longer than God ever intended because they believed their fears over His instruction to enter when they arrived at the promised land…embracing worthless fears leads to forfeited grace for each of us when we choose them over God.

“In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me.”  Jonah 2:2