As I cuddled up with my blanket and Bible by the fire, I realized that it was the first time I had really been thoughtful about my mother-in-law who had passed away just six weeks prior.  We were so very close; I deeply loved her and she very much loved me.  I was truly fortunate for she had no daughters and, as a result, treated and thought of me as one. She, too, was blessed because I genuinely wanted to be that loving daughter for her.

In the quietness of the slowly rising sun that painted the skies with splashes of pinks, soft yellows and blues, my mind flooded with all the happenings since the fateful day when she passed.  The shock, the doctors and the difficulty of sharing the news, the deep throbbing pain, the arrangements, family, funeral, friends, tears, good memories, overwhelming sadness, and then the slow return to what had once been the norm in our life, but now felt so very different.

In the meandering of memories, it occurred to me that I hadn’t had much time to think on or process through the summer happenings.  We had just arrived home from vacation when she fell and broke her femur. Not even unpacked, we juggled around meetings and schedules to visit her at the hospital. Her health clearly declining and her injury gruesome, something in my heart knew–and in hers too–that this event was different.  Though surgery was crucial, her body couldn’t endure it and, in the blink of an eye, she was gone…

We are really quite an amazing creation as evidenced by what your body does when faced with frightening, shocking and life-changing moments.  Feeling the warmth radiating from the fire, I could see, upon reflection, the shock–the state of shock we had all entered at the beginning of this loss.  Much like the breaking of a bone or injuries suffered during a car accident, there’s a purpose in the shock that overcomes the mind and the body.  It protects us from further harm, by slowing down the overwhelming as it comes over and into our system.  Think of it like a protective veil that quickly descends over us during the chaos allowing us to perform what is needed so that we can, hopefully, survive the trauma.  Some describe their lives passing before their eyes; what feels like forever is often just seconds as our system slows down the mind’s ability to grasp.  Much of the time, we do not even know we are in shock…

With death, many, especially those closest to the deceased, will struggle to remember the details of the funeral, who stopped by, or what was said.  Things are often referred to, in those moments, as being “a blur” and, for good reason, as our mind and body focuses on putting one foot in front of the other.  Little details get lost along the way, and truly, as our design already knows, the chemistry in our body moves us towards the new reality long before our minds and souls understand that the process of life going on has already begun.

Sitting by the fire, I opened to the book of Jeremiah, chapter 38.  Scanning the page, my eyes rested upon the story of King Zedekiah talking with Jeremiah, the prophet.  He had summoned Jeremiah from prison to speak with him privately.  He wanted to know if Jeremiah had heard from God about what was going on in the land.  Mind you, Jeremiah had already spoken with him many times and he had refused to listen.  As you can imagine, Jeremiah was hesitant to share the same news again in light of how much the kingdom did not care to hear it, as he was already serving time in prison for sharing God’s message.  But the king gave Jeremiah his word that he would be kept safe, and Jeremiah offered him this:

“If you surely surrender to the king of Babylon’s princes, then your soul shall live; this city shall not be burned with fire, and you and your house shall live.

But if you do not surrender…then this city shall be given into the hands of the Chaldeans; they shall burn it with fire and you shall not escape from their hand.”  Jeremiah 38:17-18 (NKJ)

The word “surrender” seemed to pop out to me and though I knew what the word meant, I have found that looking up a word’s definition often spurs me to think about the word in its fullest potential.  It is almost like a flashlight–with its various meanings, synonyms and antonyms–that shines His words deeper into the shadows of my mind and life revealing things I need to see.

“Surrender” means “to yield to the possession or power of another; to give oneself up to some influence, course, emotion, etc…; to give up, abandon, or relinquish; to yield or resign; to submit.”  www.dictionary.com.  Some of its synonyms are abandonment, cessation, giving way, concede, forego, etc…along with the most challenging and thought provoking: self-denial and sacrifice. Id.  Moreover, the opposite of “surrender” is to fight, fighting, victory, win, conquer, surpass, cherish, defend, keep, pursue, retain, challenge, and assume. Id.

As I pondered those words, I thought about all the pain that I had been feeling inside.  We had visited the lake shortly after all of the funeral events had passed, and I found being there made it easier to avoid my pain, to avoid going deeper into my feelings of grief. Distracted by visitors, chores, and the lure of the lake, my thoughts could dwell in the land of avoidance, only stopping briefly to ponder missing her.  I didn’t have to surrender to the pain; instead, it was easy to fight the tears back or to keep going at a pace that defended against the mounting hurt.

What is intriguing with King Zedekiah was that he was under the influences of two sets of princes.  His own, those within his own kingdom, and those who were in Babylon, those external to his intimate world.  The ones in his own government were insistent that Israel align with Egypt so that they could survive an attack from Babylon.  While this might have sounded reasonable, such an agreement was contrary to God’s longstanding instruction of not entering into alliances when they were afraid.  Why?  Because God wanted them to trust and rely on Him in their times of crisis and need.  This advice from Zedekiah’s very own princes (could those princes represent our fears) encouraged him to place his trust in something other than God and was quite contrary to relying on Him for protection.  Worse yet, Egypt had been a previous captor of Israel.  They had spent 400 years in bondage to them before a prolonged journey to freedom and self-government.

Thinking on this example made me wonder if this might represent how we interact with our fears, our hurts or even our passions?  While we might be able to acknowledge our fears on a basic and superficial level, how often do we go further in supporting or justifying them because we are comfortable with their existence in our lives?   How often do we seek people’s advice about what might be the best solution, but then continue to cling to what we want to believe or want to fear? More so, is it possible that we actually fight for the fears we have, by trying to alter reality to fit their shape rather than surrendering to the reality of the situation and the assurance that we will get through what it is we fear? Convincing ourselves, often through anxiety and worry, that what we are afraid of is bound to happen rather choosing to believe that with, and through, Him we can live well in any situation?

King Zedekiah was so afraid of being turned over to Babylon that he could not see or hear the truth that Jeremiah’s message held.  Surrender was his best option…that it was what God wanted him to do.  He could no longer change the course of what was coming to Israel.  Those days had longed passed.  God, through Jeremiah, was telling him that captivity was at their doorsteps.  He was clearly told that if he surrendered to the princes he feared most, his life would be spared.  Not just his life, but the lives of his family and the health of his city.  There would be no fire, which was normally associated with conquest, and minimal destruction.  Lives would be saved through surrender, not fighting.  But if he didn’t, fighting would cause much devastation for his country and his life.

And because I trust His word, I knew I needed to ponder where in my life could I be allowing myself to battle for my fears rather than accept what was before me?  Where and what was I fighting when maybe I needed to be surrendering…

“Please obey the voice of the Lord which I speak to you.  So it will be well with you and your soul shall live.”  Jeremiah 38:20 (NKJ)

Surrender, and your soul and life will be well.  Hmmm…

Thinking on the definition, a simple example occurred to me.  My family has a strong history of diabetes.  The odds are stacked undeniably in favor that I will some day acquire that condition.  As each year goes by, I get closer to the average age that many of my family members began to experience clear-cut symptoms.  Where I am today is as important as where my tomorrow is, and so what if today, I began to surrender to the idea that diabetes will likely be something I experience in the future.  Think about it this way, with the way that I am designed, diabetes is a very strong risk.  Surrendering to that the idea of that risk might involve taking concrete steps to learn more about it and what I can and will need to do to reduce its impact.  To surrender, I must stop fighting the idea or hoping I will somehow magically avoid it, and begin to understand it.  Rather than pushing it away, I can step towards it.  Instead of fighting its truth, I can begin to exercise with some of surrender’s friends, such as sacrifice and self-denial, which seem to be the backbone of a healthier lifestyle for those who have diabetes.

Through surrender I can learn how to live with it instead of fighting against it until it conquers me.  Had King Zedekiah surrendered to what he feared, what God’s message was conveying, and accepted the hard truth of the benefits to surrender, he would have lived longer and according to God’s word, “well”.  Comparatively, if I stay put in being afraid of diabetes and ignoring the truth that it is likely to impact me through the testimony of the lives of so many of my family members, then I am not doing my physical health any favors.  Fighting this truth through denial, ignorance and stubbornness until I have to face it may lead to the point where change is no longer possible or relevant; just like Zedekiah and his stubborn refusal to listen to the truth in front of him.  When the truth knocked on his door, there was nothing he could do about it to stop its presence.  That opportunity had already passed in the shadows of his denial and fear.  All he could do at that point was surrender to the captivity, and his refusal to do so, brought an unnecessary shortening to his life…

It gets even more interesting when you look at the science behind the body.  Remember, the Scripture mentioned “fire”.  If Zedekiah refused to surrender, then a fire would consume the city, the infrastructure and the people.  Let’s look at the definition of fire.  One of its meanings is “fever or inflammation.” Id. Today science knows that inflammation plays a key role in our bodies.  It is a part or the foundation of many diseases:  diabetes, cancer, heart disease, auto-immune disorders and so on.  www.hopkinsmedicine.org.

To inflame means “to kindle or excite; to arouse to a high degree of passion or feeling…to cause to redden or grow heated…to set aflame, ablaze or afire.”  www.dictionary.com. (emphasis mine).  Inflammation in pathology is “redness, swelling, pain, tenderness, heat and disturbed function of an area of the body, especially as a reaction of tissues to injurious agents.”  Id.  What if the “fire” God refers to in verses 17 and 18 are representative of the undue stress and anxiety we create when we refuse to surrender to what is before us and/or what is the best course of action for our lives?  Is it possible that the inflammation within us causes a fire that leads to our own health decline because we continue to fight rather than surrender to the changes that may need to happen?

And what if this concept of surrender goes beyond dietary changes that might better our physical health?  Could it be that there other situations, emotional and spiritual, where we may need to surrender in order to truly live well?  Jeremiah pleaded with the king to listen to God and to obey so that he would survive what was coming.  But not just barely surviving…rather, by choosing to surrender, his life would result in wellness.   Wellness is defined as “the quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort.” Id.  Looking further into “healthy”, we find that it involves not only good physical health, but soundness, prospering, a strong mind and a vigorous ability to live free of what might ail us. Id.  Sadly, King Zedekiah chose not to embrace the instruction and paid for it dearly with his life and the lives of his countrymen.

As the bonfire flickered before me with the waves continuing to gently crash into the shore, I found myself surrendering to the pain I felt inside.  Instead of pushing it away, I let the emotion and memories wash over me and settle.  No longer fighting it, but resting in its presence, I found the pain leading me to other areas that were burning…still aflame and tender from something that had seared them…causing me to realize that there was more to be surrendered…

Surrender.  To not fight; to stop fighting; to not insist on victory; to let go of conquering, winning, surpassing; to not harbor and cherish; to stop defending; to not keep, pursue or retain; to leave unchallenged or unsupported; to not assume.

A simple word that begged for me, as it begs for you, to take a deeper look at what it really might mean for the wellness of our souls when we choose to follow His instructions…

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Matthew 12:28-29